Secret, according to Cambridge dictionary, refers to a piece of information that is only known by one person or a few people and should not be told to others
What is secrets in relationships
keeping a secret in a relationship may mean holding back information from your partner. It can also mean sharing a particular information with your partner which is expected not to be shared with anyone outside ur relationship
Love relationships requires more than attraction and affection.
One important thing every relationship needs is the trust between the partners .
Without trust, a relationship will be unable to grow
One common misconception about trust in relationships is that you should not keep secrets from one another. Why would not keeping secrets be a misconception? For one thing, every person is entitled to some kind of private life.
Secondly relationship is in stages
If you put the last thing first you will regret it. If you disclose everything about you in just few days of dating your partner because your eyes are covered by love, you may live to regret it. So many guys will open up about how many houses their dad has, how many countries they have been to, and so much about their finance
In actual sense they might be saying the truth but it is possible of sending the lady off (perhaps she's a type that doesn't like it when people boast about their belongings)
She can also be a gold digger that will pretend to be in love just for the material things and these kinds of relationships may crash land along the way bcos it wasn't a natural affection from start
When it comes to open communication, it’s important to let your loved one tell you things in their own time.
The Difference Between Privacy And Secrets In A Relationship
Before we look at the reasons you should be open and honest with your partner, it’s important to consider where the line is between maintaining your privacy in a relationship and keeping secrets.
We all have the right to privacy in any kind of relationship. Your partner doesn’t need to know every single detail about your life, or the life you lived before they came along.
You should both respect the other person’s right to keep certain things private. You should feel able to trust that they’re not hiding anything that could impact you or hurt you.
Some people feel the need to tell a new partner every detail about all the things that have happened in their past… but not everyone wants to know.
some people only feel comfortable in a relationship if both they and their partner completely wear their hearts on their sleeves.
But you don’t have to share every detail of your past just because your partner is asking it of you.
When it comes to the line between secrets and privacy, it’s all about checking in with your conscience.
Obviously, if it’s something significant that could have an impact on your partner, they have a right to know about it.
But if it’s something hurtful or embarrassing from your past, or if it involves someone else who also has a right to their own privacy, then that’s different.
If it’s just something from your past that you’d rather not share and you don’t think has any bearing on your current relationship, keeping it private is fine. After all, it might upset your partner without achieving anything.
Take for example, you are a lady and your best friend who happened to be your chief brides maids on ur wedding day have has series of abortion in the past, and this is a secret between two of u alone
Telling ur husband how promiscuous or how many abortions ur friend have done in the past may not be necessary bcos it's a secret she kept with u as a friend
The only reason you may need to intimate ur partner of such is if you don't feel secured when she's around your home
Probably because she hasn't turned a new leaf
And I may want to ask
Why keep someone u can't trust as a friend 🤷🏼♂️
You’ll always know deep down when you need to share things with a partner and when it’s fine to keep it to yourself.
If you should tell them, chances are the gnawing guilt will let you know. If your conscience doesn’t twinge, you’re probably okay not to share it
Reasons Why Keeping Secrets Can Damage A Relationship
It’ll make you feel guilty, and put you on edge.
Most people struggle to keep secrets from their partner and suffer from guilt when they do, and that’s the way it should be.
If you love someone, you shouldn’t find it easy to deceive them, even if you’re just lying by omission rather than lying to their face.
It’ll make you feel guilty
Most people struggle to keep secrets from their partner and suffer from guilt when they do, and that’s the way it should be.
If you love someone, you shouldn’t find it easy to deceive them, even if you’re just lying by omission rather than lying to their face.
[3/13, 4:50 PM] SEYI: It makes you tense, as you’re always waiting for them to catch you out or stumble across something that will bring your secret to light.
It’ll mean you put a defensive barrier up between the two of you and are always wary of discovery. This is likely to have an impact on your intimacy and closeness and eat away at the foundations of your relationship.
[3/13, 4:51 PM] SEYI: You become suspicious
If you’re keeping secrets from them, what’s to say they aren’t doing the same thing? At least, that’s what you’ll be thinking.
You might start to wonder what they might be hiding from you, too, which can lead to mistrust and paranoia
The more time passes, the harder it becomes to come clean.
If you keep putting off telling your partner a big secret, it’ll only get bigger and bigger, until revealing it could do terminal damage to the relationship.
The longer you wait, the harder it is to be honest about it.
After all, if the secret’s difficult to hear, it’ll be even worse if, on top of that, they discover you’ve been keeping something from them for an extended period of time.
If they find out, trust between you can be hard to repair.
Even a small secret can be tough to come back from in a relationship, depending on what it is.
If your partner finds out that you’ve deliberately kept something from them, however small, they might start to wonder what else you’ve lied about or neglected to mention.
Things you should not Kept as secrets from your partner
Now that we’ve looked at the reasons why secrets can damage a relationship, it’s time to consider the general types of things that you should, as a rule, always share with someone you’re in a romantic relationship with.
Anything to do with the below are things that you should be open with your partner about.
Finances
Things like not paying bills, lending money, debt, inheritance, and how you spend your money are not things you should be lying about when you’re building a life with someone.
Job issues
If your job is under threat, they need to know, as it could have an impact on your life together.
Or probably u r facing some harassment at work
Maybe you are a woman and your boss is threatening to sack you or delay ur promotion if u don't lay with him
You shouldn't keep this to yourself
Tell ur partner else u may be seeking counsel from wrong person
Illness, both physical and mental
If you have a history of physical or mental health problems, or are experiencing them now, your partner has a right to know.
Of course, anything to do with STDs needs to be shared with your partner very early on in your relationship.
Addictions
Any kind of addictive behavior is serious and needs to be treated as such. Your partner should be made aware of it as early on as possible.
There some people who cannot enjoy good sleep without masturbating
Some cannot read or think well wuthout smoking or being high
I tell u... U need help... How long will u keep this away from ur legally married spouse, someone who will fight with u and ensure u come out of all these
Legal issues
If you’ve had a run in with the law or find yourself in trouble, your partner needs to know, no matter how embarrassing or difficult you might find it to tell them
Having an affair
Whether emotional or physical, any infidelities need to be confessed to as soon as possible if the relationship has any chance of surviving.
If u have found yourself cheating on ur partner....its wise to ask for forgiveness and repent from it else you are gradually digging the pit for ur marriage/relationship
When Not To Share A Secret
Have u found out a secret u need to disclose to your partner
Then when and how u share it is also as important as sharing it. If you’ve decided that it’s time to share something big with your partner, you need to be careful about the moment you pick to reveal it.
Don’t bring up tricky topics at bedtime, when either of you is tired, ill, angry or stressed, or when there’s already something else going on that’s making your lives difficult.
Make sure you’re both well fed, energized, and haven’t got any big commitments later that day, just in case they need time to process it or are upset by it.
But don’t use finding the ‘perfect’ moment as an excuse to keep putting it off indefinitely, as you’ll always be able to find a reason to get out of it.
For example your wife is infected with a sexual transmitted diseases and she is wondering how on earth she contracted it
She may even be so sure it couldn't be from you
So when trying to confess and share this kind of a secret u need to be so remorse, you need to show how bad u feel to have caused her so much pain
But the most important is that u need to be ready to repent and repent for real
Some secrets can be difficult to hear, but facing an awkward, difficult moment now is far better than them finding out for themselves, or you having to tell them that you’ve been hiding something from them for an extended period of time.
When it comes to relationships, it’s all about being honest, both with yourself, and with them.
When it comes to relationships, it’s all about being honest, both with yourself, and with them.
Don’t bury your head in the sand, and be considerate of their feelings at all times, and don’t let secrets eat away at the bond between you.
Conclusion
In the course of this lecture by God's grace we have been able to establish the fact that sustaining a love relationship is more than just affection or attraction
Love alone is enough to sustain a love relationship
Just as important as salt is in your cooking, it is not enough to make a great meal all alone
Trust is a very vital ingredient in making a relationship work
And how can you trust someone who is keeping secrets away from you?
How can u trust someone who is keeping vital informations that can hurt u as a partner?
The Bible says And Adam and Eve was naked but we're not ashamed
Your marriage is your covering
Your marriage is ur resting place
Your relationship is not a place where u hide
It's a place where ur secrets are safe... Share it and you will be surprised how much help your partner can help
Lastly
Maturity is a vital factor when it comes to sharing or keeping secrets in a relationship
You have to be matured emotionally to handle some secrets in your relationships
It takes maturity to share ur financial strength and threats with your partner
It takes maturity to keep ur partners weakness from d clique of ur friends and family members especially now in the era of bestie. You must be mature to keep ur partners sexual skills/strengths/weaknesses to yourself
Today we see men tell their friends how their wives use to moan during sex..
Some ladies go about telling their sister/ bestie how well their husband is good in bed
Now tell me why ur friend won't want to taste ur hubby at all cost
Also it takes maturity to be able to distinguish between a physical and spiritual matters
.
Some personal issues will occur in ur relationship, you need spiritual maturity to keep them secrets between u and your Maker
